A Christmas story for y’all

Richard Lee ©2017



Santa’s dead. Yep. Sorry kids, but the fucker had it coming. Judgemental prick. Why does he get to decide who has been good or bad? Fat cunt. Some kid wakes up on Christmas day to a stocking full of coal. What does that do to his psyche going forward?

How can he define what’s good or bad? There is no clear line I can see. Good boys. Bad boys. Good girls. Bad girls. It’s all same.

If I took on such a monumental task. I would need advisers, lawyers, and a slew of guidelines.

In my capacity, I would judge Santa as bad. This category would be listed under Slave Owner and Prisoner Guard. After all, he has many elves working for him and they are forced to live in his compound called the North Pole. There is little heat, no Internet, and no television. Such horrid conditions. And I doubt they get paid for all the toys they make under his iron fist.

That skanky hoe, Mrs. Claus would be in on it too. She comes across all sweet and lovely. The image of a perfect grandma. I bet she runs the electric chair, demands obedience and cracks the whip when Santa is outside abusing his reindeer. There is a reason Rudolf’s nose is red. And no, it’s not what you think. I have a satellite video of him hanging reindeer on barb-wire and sliding on a pair of boxing gloves.

In the video, he is speaking, but his words are inaudible. Let’s just assume it’s nefarious.

Santa would list you as bad for thinking those thoughts about him and Rudolf. Your stocking will overflow with coal so Daddy can use it to heat the house. Fuck you and fuck your Christmas. Ho-ho-ho.

Mrs. Claus is gutted in the kitchen. The bitch was about to eat a gingerbread man who screamed for mercy. The elves are using her intestines as a jump rope. I don’t think they’ve ever had so much fun.

Santa the fucker is dead at my feet. He didn’t hear me creep up in the snow. Asshat was busy packing a getaway sleigh. The blade drew deep through his layers of flesh and the red sleigh shines now. Tomorrow the red will be brown.

The North Pole sweat factory is closed for good. The elf slaves are free. It will take time to integrate them back into society. It can be done. It will be done.

Justice is served.

You’re welcome.





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